Why I hate you

       I don't hate you because you didn't love. You didn't love because you couldn't. You didn't love because you didn't believe. Because you think it's easier not to feel. And hell yeah it is. When you open yourself up to feeling something, it could be the greatest thing in the world or it could be the worst. But don't you think we owe it to ourselves to find out which one it is? I think so. That's why every once in a while, I allow myself to feel something, because I have the hope that it will be the better of the two, though many times it ends up being the latter. You can't because you don't have the hope. You shut yourself off. I get it. I just wish I could have been enough to make the wall come crumbling down like you did with mine without even realizing.
     I hate you because you weren't truthful. I hate you because you didn't keep your promise. That's what makes me hate you. It's not because you didn't love me. You can't make someone love you when they don't, nor can you make yourself love someone when you don't. I get it. I'm okay with that...well basically I've just come to terms with it.
     I hate you because you promised me a lifetime of promises. I hate you because you promised me the happiness I always wanted, the happiness I came to only want if I could share it with you. I hate you because you promised me the hope I'd always held in my heart. You promised that it would all come true, that I would find it all, and that I would find it with you.
     I hate you because you lied. You told me those things to make me feel better. I hate you because you told me those things to get me off your back. You told me those things so I wouldn't break in front of you because you didn't want to pick up the pieces.
     I hate you because you let me believe you meant it. But you didn't. You never had any intention of keeping your promises. You never cared. You just wanted to be far enough away before you broke me so you wouldn't feel responsible for the damage, so you wouldn't be responsible for cleaning up the mess.
    Well congratulations, you got all you wanted. You have everything you need and now you're rid of me. I'm happy for you, honestly I am.
     But you could have just told me. You could have just let me down. I've been let down plenty of times, I could have taken it. By letting me fall for you and making me believe that you were falling for me too, you ruined me. That's so much worse than just telling me you don't want me. You could have just let me go.
     And that's why I hate you.
     But I still love you.
     And that's why I hate myself.